I Wanna Be Yours
by hurleycat
Summary: Summary: Phil grew up too fast. Dan didn't grow up fast enough. But that's just fine, because otherwise they wouldn't have ended up next door to each other. Or: Phil is recently divorced, Dan is a dropout, and both of them just need each other.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Phil grew up too fast. Dan didn't grow up fast enough. But that's just fine, because otherwise they wouldn't have ended up next door to each other.

Or: Phil is recently divorced, Dan is a dropout, and both of them just need each other.

.~.

The house is achingly empty. Phil starts to think that he should have bought a smaller house, but the money left to him by his parents is more than what he knew what to do with. Besides, it has a big backyard, which is perfect for Melissa.

She's already found the perfect place for the sandbox Phil had promised her, and he can see her exploring the rest of the yard from where he stands on the other side of the glass door. She's six now, and Phil is in awe of how much she's grown since he entered her life when she was two.

She turns around suddenly and sees Phil watching her. She waves. He waves back then returns to the living room to start unpacking boxes.

The first box he opens is filled with Melissa's toys, so he leaves it for her to unpack when she sets up her room. He opens another one, and this one is their sparse kitchen supplies, so he sets it aside for later.

The next one is filled with pictures. He sighs, knowing he'll have to face what happened at some point. He sets aside the albums that are old family pictures; those will go on a bookshelf. The bottom of the box has loose pictures he had thrown in while packing. One is of Melissa on her third birthday.

Another is of him and Jesse sitting at a dinner table in some fancy restaurant, smiling at the camera. Phil realizes with a jolt that the picture was taken right after they got engaged. He frowns and debates just throwing the picture away, but he knows he'll probably never be able to.

He decides the pictures are too much for right now and turns to finding places for the furniture in the living room. One of the lounge chairs is his from college, and he took it with him after the divorce, but the rest of the furniture was new. Phil had moved out too quickly to take anything heavy with him.

He pushes the coffee table to the center of the room, and then he goes to the front yard, where the moving truck left the couch. It's times like this that he wishes he was still married, because now he has to figure out how to get the thing in on his own.

He must have seemed distressed by the task at hand, because soon someone is running across the lawn, shouting, "Do you want some help with that?"

Phil breathes out a sigh of relief and looks at the person approaching him. It's a man, probably only a little bit younger than him, who is wearing pajama bottoms and a holey t-shirt. He's taller than Phil; though he's considerably lankier.

"You grab one end, and I'll grab the other?" the man asks. Phil just nods before gathering the strength to lift up his end. With a considerable amount of grunting and shouts of "ow", they manage to get the couch in the living room.

"I'm Dan," the man introduces himself after they've put the couch back on the ground. "I live just next door."

Phil has always been a bit awkward, but he's been even more closed off since leaving Jesse. He forces a small smile and robotically offers his hand to be shaken. "I'm Phil."

Dan looks around the living room. "So did you just move in?"

Phil nods.

"You live by yourself?"

"No. There's also my st—… daughter. My daughter." Phil coughs awkwardly. "Her name is Melissa. She's in the backyard, planning homes for all her toys."

Dan's enthusiasm seems to waver a bit at that, though Phil can't figure out why. "Well I've gotta go, but I'll see you around!" He hurries out the door.

Phil returns to trying to sort his belongings.

.~.

The doorbell rings the next day while Phil is making Melissa's lunch. He takes the grilled cheese off the stove to run to the front door. Melissa follows him quickly.

Dan is standing on their front porch, holding a plate of cookies. There's a middle-aged couple and a teenage boy standing behind him. "Hi, Phil!" he says when Phil answers the door.

"Hi." Phil tries not to come across as awkward, but that's mostly unavoidable.

"I'm Brenda," the older woman behind Dan says. Her voice is smooth, and her expression makes Phil miss his mom. She points to the man beside her. "This is my husband, Don. And this"—she's pointing to the teenager—"is Matthew. We're the Howell's. We live next door."

Phil smiles at her. "I'm Phil Lester. This"—he puts his hand on Melissa's head, which is poking out shyly from behind his leg—"is my daughter, Melissa."

Dan shoves the plate of cookies into Phil's hands. "Thank you," Phil mumbles.

"You let us know if you need anything, alright?" Brenda says. "Babysitting, a cup of sugar, anything. We're the neighborly types."

Phil thanks her quickly, and the family leaves his porch. As he goes back to preparing Melissa's lunch, he thinks about how Dan was smiling at him. If he was being honest with him, Dan is very attractive, but it's hard to judge how old he is.

Phil himself is only twenty-three, but for some reason he always sees men his age or slightly younger as always being too young. Maybe it's because Jesse was Phil's first and only serious relationship up to that point, and he was twenty-four when Phil was nineteen.

Phil slides the grilled cheese sandwich onto a plate and sets it on the table in front of his daughter. Melissa is actually Jesse's daughter from a one-night stand, but Phil started taking care of her as soon as he moved in with Jesse, so he looks at her as his, which is why he was so adamant about taking her in the divorce.

Sometimes it kills Phil how easily Jesse had told him to just take Melissa. Someday she would grow up and it would occur to her how messed up that was, but Phil knows it's better this way. She'll grow up better with Phil than with Jesse.

Jesse had always had a temper. Even before they got married and things got bad, Phil knew to avoid Jesse after a bad day at work. He had a bad habit of throwing things or shouting for no reason. After they got married, everything escalated.

Phil sits down across from his daughter and watches her eat. "Are you ready to start school tomorrow?" he asks her.

She just sticks her tongue out at him and goes back to eating. He wants to scold her, but he can't bring himself to do it.

.~.

After dropping Melissa off at her first day at her new school, Phil goes to Lowe's and picks out some flowers to plant in the front yard. He didn't have a yard while living in a flat with Jesse, and he was excited about getting to do some gardening.

He get down to business as soon as he gets home, and he's dirty and sweaty before he knows it, but he manages to get most of the flowers planted before he's starting to get thirsty.

Like a saving grace, Dan is running across the lawn connecting their yards. He's holding two glasses filled with a yellow drink. "Want some lemonade? My mom told me to bring it over because she saw you planting things and stuff."

Phil takes a glass from him gratefully. Dan sits down next to him in the grass. "Where's Melissa?" he asks

"School." Phil sets the glass down and goes back to digging the hole he was working on before Dan come over. "It's her first day at her new school. I'm trying to keep busy so I don't worry about her."

"It must be hard," Dan says, "being a single parent."

Phil shrugs. He's not sure if it's hard yet. "I'm just getting used to it," he admits. "I just got divorced, so I've never had to do the single parent thing before." He sighs.

Dan is silent for a moment. "You seem like you're doing pretty well at it," he says.

Phil mumbles a thank you. He expects Dan to get up and leave soon, but they actually end up having a conversation. They talk about the flowers Phil has picked out. They talk about how Dan dropped out of law school and is now living with his parents. They talk about a little bit of everything.

And by the time the Phil has finished his gardening, he feels like he's made a friend.

.~.

Sometimes Jesse still calls.

Seeing his name on Phil caller ID has always sent a shock of anxiety through Phil's heart, even during their marriage. Phil would be out half an hour later than he'd said he would be, and Jesse would call, and Phil would know he was in trouble. Or they would fight and Phil would storm out, and Jesse would call just to scream at him some more.

Jesse calls him while Phil is sitting in his car in the school parking lot. Melissa should be getting out in just a few minutes. He answers the phone hesitantly. "Yes?"

Jesse's rough voice comes through the phone harshly. "How's my daughter?"

"_Melissa_ is good. She's at school right now," Phil replies. He fiddles with his keys so his hands have something to do. "Why do you care?"

Six months ago, he would not have dared to speak to Jesse like this—but now he's just over it. He has a damn restraining order. He can do whatever he wants now. He isn't going to live in fear.

"I actually need to pick her up now. Bye." He hangs up, and he rejects the call when Jesse tries to call back. A few minutes later, Melissa crawls into the car and starts rambling about her new friends. He half listens to her on the drive home, but he's preoccupied with thinking about Jesse.

.~.

Dan comes over that evening to help Phil with arranging the rest of their furniture. Phil sets Melissa up on the couch to watch TV before telling Dan where he's planning on putting the furniture in his and Melissa's bedroom. Dan helped him arrange it all then flopped back on Phil's bed in exhaustion.

"It's so crazy," he says staring up at the ceiling. "I can't stop thinking about how you're only three years older than me. You've been married and divorced and you have a kid, and I still live with my parents." He sounds almost sad.

Phil isn't good at comforting people. "Well… my parents are dead, so I can't really live with them," he says. He realizes too late that that probably doesn't count as consolation.

Dan doesn't look away from where he's staring at the ceiling. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Phil just shrugs before realizing that Dan can't see him. "It's okay. I've had time to deal with it."

He sits down on the bed next to where Dan is lying. After a few moments, he lies all the way down. He hasn't lain down in a bed next to anyone since Jesse, and it feels oddly intimate. Dan turns his head to look at him.

"What's it like, being married?" Dan asks. He sounds genuinely curious, but the question puts Phil on the defensive.

Is he supposed to tell the truth? Phil doesn't think he has authority to speak on what a happy marriage is like, because he and Jesse weren't exactly happy even before they got engaged. He didn't realize how screwed up their relationship was until too late, but he's always known it wasn't perfect.

Phil sighs. "I don't think I can really talk," he says quietly. He glances at Dan's face to see how he reacts. Dan just continues to look curious. "I was too young to get married. We met when I was nineteen. He was twenty four. We hadn't even been together for a year before we got married and things were just… bad."

He turns away to stare at the ceiling. He can feel Dan's eyes boring into him, and he isn't sure if he likes the feeling or not.

He doesn't know what else to say, so he continues, "Jesse had a temper, and I was the easiest thing to take his anger out on. And when he turned on Melissa… That's when I got a divorce."

Dan doesn't say anything for a long beat, but then he finally says, "Your ex… hit you and stuff?"

Phil finds Dan's wording hilarious, and he bursts out laughing. Dan just sounds so childish saying it like that that Phil can't control himself. He meets Dan's eyes. "_And stuff_?" he questions.

Dan blushes. "Sorry," he mumbles.

Phil shakes his head, chuckling. "I should go check on Melissa." He starts to haul himself off the bed, but Dan's hand on his bicep stops him. He turns to the younger man.

"Can I…" Dan trails off. He meets Phil's eyes. "Can I kiss you or would that be wrong?"

Phil is speechless for a second. "You can kiss me."

So Dan does.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil answers the door to see Dan on the front porch. He blushes, thinking about the chaste kiss they'd exchanged the day before. "What's up?" he squeaks out.

"My mom said to come over and see if you need help moving anything else." Dan glances over Phil's shoulder into the house. "Is Melissa around?"

"School," Phil reminds him. He steps aside to give Dan room to come in. "I've actually got most of my stuff settled."

They hover in the entryway for a few moments. Phil finds himself staring at Dan's hands, which are fidgeting restlessly at his sides. Dan picks at the bracelets around his wrists.

After the kiss yesterday, they pulled away and went down to watch TV with Melissa. Both of them acted like nothing happened, and eventually Dan went home with a quick goodbye. Now it just feels awkward to be standing face to face without facing what happened yesterday.

"Do you wanna… come watch TV?" Phil chokes out. He tries to smile without looking creepy.

"Sure." Dan toes off his shoes and leaves them at the door before following Phil into the living room. He looks around. "You finished setting up. It looks nice."

Phil glances around at his work. He has the furniture and the TV all situated, and he's placed pictures and his parents' old knick knacks on the mantle above the fireplace. Dan walks over to study them, and Phil tries to gauge his reactions to what is there.

Dan points to a picture of Phil and Jesse each holding one of Melissa's hand on her first day of kindergarten. "Is that… ya know?" he asks. He blushes immediately.

Phil nods. He points to another picture, hoping to draw attention away from Jesse. "Those are my parents."

The picture he's chosen to point out is his favorite picture of his parents. It was taken on his eighteenth birthday, shortly before they died. He was standing in front of the car they'd bought for him. His dad stood behind him, a hand on his back, and his mum was hugging him and talking to his older brother, who was behind the camera.

Dan stares at the picture for a few moments. "Seems like you guys were close," he mumbles.

"Yeah." Phil moves away and goes to sit on the couch. He flips on the TV. "I was gonna watch Jeopardy but if that's too much of an old person show for you… we can watch something else." He laughs awkwardly, watching Dan sit down beside him.

"You're not even old," Dan says, laughing. "Jeopardy is fine."

They watch in silence.

Phil enjoys the show, but he usually doesn't know any of the answers. Occasionally there will be random film trivia that he picked up while considering going to film school, but he usually just watches and tries to pick up on the knowledge.

He glances at Dan while they're watching together. Sometimes Dan looks like the answer is on the tip of his tongue, but he never shouts out any answers—until the clue is: "This legal philosophy introduced by John Henry Merryman protects judges from threats from the wealthy and powerful."

"Decisory oath!" Dan shouts. He nearly jumps up from the couch. Then he glances at Phil, and his cheeks grown pink as he sinks back into his seat.

Phil smiles at him. "I'm never watching this with you again. You're making me feel dumb," he jokes.

Dan shakes his head and says, "One of the few things I learned during my short time at law school." He frowns. "Before I dropped out."

Phil realizes that Dan is starting to look upset so he hurriedly says, "If it makes you feel any better, I never even went to university."

"No, no…" Dan shakes his head. "I need to stop getting down on myself for that. Thanks for trying."

Phil turns back to the show for a second, but curiosity gets the best of him, so he looks at Dan again. "Why did you drop out anyway?" Then he quickly adds, "If you don't mind telling me."

Dan doesn't meet his eyes. "I hated it. I mean…" He looks everyone in the room except Phil. Eventually he stands and starts to pace. "I kind of liked it. I liked living on my own and stuff like that but… I've never been an overachiever. I'm kind of an underachiever actually." He lets out a heavy breath that Phil thinks is supposed to be a laugh.

"I'm actually kind of prone to just shutting down and freaking out when I'm stressed, so I guess law school just wasn't the place for me. I had a breakdown and just came home and never went back." He shrugs.

Phil isn't sure how to respond to that. Is he supposed comfort Dan? Offer advice?

Instead of stumbling down an unfamiliar path, he just says, "I have to go pick up Melissa. Do you want to come?"

Dan forces a smile. "No, I should go home and help my mom start getting dinner ready. See you around, I guess."

"I'll walk you to the door."

Phil follows Dan to the entryway. When Dan reaches for the door handle, Phil stops him with a sudden kiss. Dan doesn't move for a second, but eventually he responds. He puts on hand on Phil's cheek, returning the kiss.

"Is this okay?" Phil asks quietly.

"Duh," Dan answers.

He lets his hand fall from the door handle and his back hits the door. Phil pushes himself against Dan, pressing the young man closer to the door. He puts both of his hand on the back of Dan's head and wraps his finger in the long, smooth hair.

He slowly moves his lips from Dan's and brings them to his neck.

"I actually do kind of have to go," Dan whispers. He sounds regretful.

Phil chuckles. "And I have to go get my daughter."

Dan nods and pulls himself out of Phil's embrace then slips out the door with a coy smile. Phil watches him go before remembering that he needs to go pick up Melissa.

.~.

Dan shows up at his house with no warning the next day. Phil's just gotten out of the shower and is wearing a bathrobe when he answers the door. He blushes when he sees Dan in front of him and says, "Hey."

Dan grins. "Your daughter's at school, right?" he asks.

Phil nods. He's starting to feel mildly uncomfortable being only in a bathrobe. He has had problems with his body for as long as he can remember, and they've only gotten worse since he married Jesse, who wasn't exactly known for being the kindest guy when it came to people's insecurities.

"Let's go do something. I'm getting restless at my parents' house. And you've gotta be getting lonely here all by yourself. So let's go to the mall or something." Dan smiles shyly. "Plus I wanna have an excuse to hang out with you."

Phil thinks about it for a moment. Part of him wants to say _yes yes yes_, but he's been up all night thinking about the possibilities that could spring from whatever he has going with Dan. An actual relationship could spawn from this, and he doesn't think he's ready for that. He just got divorced! He shouldn't be making out with younger men already.

And he can't just screw around with Dan either. He has a daughter to set an example for, so he can't be the guy who sleeps with men with no strings attached.

He looks into Dan's eyes, and his heart jumps. "Just let me get dressed," he says quickly. He lets Dan come in then runs up the stairs to go throw on some clothes in his room. He comes back down a few moments later. "I'll drive."


End file.
